Cheesy dreams

Eating cheese late at night gives you nightmares, as illustrated by nightmare cheese child below. It’s probably a fact.

The reasons given for this are too numerous and complex to get into here in any great detail, so I turned to Yahoo answers for help summarizing the main points. Here’s what they said:

“I have cheese all the time…I love cheese it has no side-effects, wait…this guy this cute handsome guy always appears in my dream and he does stuff…lets not get into detail….okay im gonna eat cheese and go to sleep…lets see if he comes…” – Rose D

“Some (very unscientific) person duped everyone into actually believing that the moon was made of cheese! Imagine!  As the full Moon causes acts of lunacy and mysterious
transformations of otherwise normal humans into creatures such as werewolves and vampires and mosquitos, the Moon was seen as being very bad INDEED. Therefore, cheese would give you nightmares because it was what the moon was made of, and everyone is terrified of mice coming in the night to nibble out your brains when you are fast asleep having nightmares about vampires and werewolves and mosquitoes etc.” – Kiteeze

“my wife has nightmares , about cheese , she says that when she goes down on me she sees cheese ? i tell her its a new brand on the market called BELLENDER” – Deanobeano

So that’s that.

Because of this now scientifically proven trait, choosing your midnight cheeseboard does come with extra responsibilities. Do you really want to risk a good night’s kip for some easi-singles? No. You don’t.

Personal preference: nice bitta gouda. You know, that really really nice gouda you can get sometimes, that tastes creamy and nutty and generally fabulous. Or red cheddar, at a push.

I should admit that I have a deep-rooted fear of most soft or blue cheese, so my discussion of the perfect midnight  cheese is somewhat limited. What’s your favourite?

(In an aside, the automatically generated link below this article was entitled “Womb with a view: Is it wrong to spend every night with a different man?” My nighttime cheesing can’t possibly compete with a headline like that.)